Rabbit and tortise joke

Tortoise n rabbit wrote entrance exam,
Tortoise got 80%
Rabbit 81%.

Both went 4 admission in an engineering college,

Cut off needed was 85%...

Rabbit didn't get but
Tortoise got admission.

How?
.
.
.
.
U remember wen we were in 1st std tortoise won a race...

Sports quota 5% marks extra...:

Funny conversation between man & women


Man : How old are u ?

Woman : A woman never tells her age

Man : Just tell me your age

Woman : since I was 18 i never told anyone my age

Man : But I will make sure I will know your age ?

Woman : How can u do that while for the last 10 years nobody ever made me say my age ?

Man : Hahahahahahahah­ahahahahahahahh­ ahahaha lol!

This is funny conversation of a man and womanjust like joking to each other  share it on facebook if you like


girl and boy romantic picture


Funny Political pictures & cartoons

soniya and rahul gandhi cartoon, political cartoon, funny political images
This is a funny cartoon on topic of swami's allegation on soniya gandhi and rahul gandhi

Girl friend and boyfriend joke on facebook chatting

Girl friend and boyfriend joke on facebook chatting

-->
girl talking to his boyfriend
girlfriend on phone talking to his boyfriend
girlfriend  and boy friend were chatting on Facebook
girlfriend : plz stay up just a little longer? I really want to talk to
you :)

boyfriend : No, sorry i gotta go
girlfriend : Pleeeeeeeaaaaasssse?

boyfriend : No! My mom said if i don't go to sleep now she'll
come down here and bash my head on the keyboaryujehs
ndbhujidcbfnekd !

Political joke: attitude of governments

funny pics for politics
Funny rahul gandhi on wood cart
Attitude of governments::
-->
USA -"If u attack us, we will attack u".

ISRAEL -"If u attack us, we will demolish u"

INDIA -"If u attack us, we will condemn & write to u or we will not play Cricket with u"


according to you what should be attitude of a country in this situation must comment on the post.

Santa banta entertaining jokes on his wife

 Santa banta mischivious entertaining joke

One day santa was too much confused  so
he asked to Banta  : friend your wife is very very sexy and passes smile to see me & trying to seduce me....

Banta to santa: no thats not the mater actully on first night he asked me have you fucked someone ever  and   by mistake a took your name.
Hindi translation of joke

Pappu Ek Din Bada Confuse Sa Thha Aur Usne Dost Se Pucha

Pappu: “Yaar Teri Biwi Chalu Hai, Mujhe Hamesha Dekh Ke Muskurati Rahti Hai?”
..

..

..

Dost : “Oye Nahi Yaar Esa Kuch Nahi Hai, Usne Mujhse Suhagraat Pe Puchha Tha, Kya Mene Kabhi Kisi Ki Gaand Mari Hai,
.

To Maine Tera Naam Le Diya Tha“

Funny facebook pictures

facebook pics, husband and wife picture

 Funny picture wife going to beat husband with hammer for excessive use of Facebook
so this is a funny Facebook picture

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funny facebook picture, father and son picture
This funny Facebook picture is for those sons that are crazy for Facebook use Facebook to much. a son is being beaten by his father for excessive use of Facebook
-->

Husband wife sister in law and taxi driver dual meaning jokes

  "A fun collection of lady , husband ,taxi driver and sister in law dual meaning jokes"

  wife husband and sister in law  joke


Wife in sexy mood lovingly says: I want to have a wild experience. Tie me up and do whatever u want. Excited man tied up his wife and raped her sister.

A girl wears sleeveless dress every time. On right arm she writes 'C' and on left arm 'L'.
friends ask: what does it means? She said: I am cool.
**********************

Naked Lady And taxi driver joke

A naked lady gets into taxi. Driver looks at her. Lady: haven't you ever seen b naked woman?
Driver: no I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me.

Lady and office boss joke

A sexy and attracted female employee meets her boss and says sir will you remove something from my breast?
Boss: wow, what?
Girl: your eyes.
*********************

Dual meaning Joke

What is long and hard? Has a hole at the tip and when inserted into wet, hairy, tight hole, makes men and woman feel great? Vicks inhaler.
**********/***********

Definition of rape joke


Define rape with the help of one good example. Rape is a very very difficult job for example; it's like playing golf with a continuously moving hole.

Three drinker's and taxi driver joke


"This joke is about drinker's in which they sit on taxi .and driver get advantage of  their being drunken"

 


3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again.
He told them."We have reached ".
The 1st guy gave him money.
The 2nd guy said "thank you".
The 3rd guy gave the driver a slap.
The driver was shocked,thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But he asked "whats that for?".
The 3rd guy replied: "CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME, you nearly killed us!" :

Romantic and emotional husband wife story

 This is a romantic and emotional husband and wife love story in Hindi showing husband and wife's love to each other.

 एक लड़का और लड़की शादी के पहले आपस में बहुत प्यार करते थे।
थोड़ी नोक झोक उनमें होती रहती थी।
फिर प्यार से मान जाते थे वे। शादी के बाद तो उनमें हर छोटी- मोटी बात को लेकर नोक- झोक होती थी।
कई कई दिन तक उनमें बातचीत बन्द रहती थी
आज दोनो की सालगिरह थी।लेकिन लड़की ने जानबूझ कर नहीं बताया।
वो देखना चाहती थी की उसके पति को याद है की नहीं।
पर आज पति सुबह ही उठा और नहा धो कर जल्दी ही बाहर चला गया।
बिवी रुआँसी हो गई थोड़ी देर बाद दरवाजे पर घण्टी बजी,वो दरवाजा खोली देखा पति गुलदस्ते और उपहारो के साथ
एनिवर्सरि सरप्राईज लाया था।
उसने उपहार लेकर पति को गले से लगा लिया फिर पति घर के अन्दर चला गया
तभी बिवी के मोबाईल पे पुलिस वाले का कॉल आया की,
उसके पति की लाश मिलि है। उसके पति का एक्सिडेंट हो चूका है
वो सोचने लगी की उसका पति अभी तो गिफ्ट देकर अन्दर ही गया है
फिर उसे वो बात याद आ गई जो उसने सुना था की मरने के बाद अन्तिम इच्छा पूरी करने के लिये इंसान की आत्मा एक बार आती है।
वो दहाड़ मार के रोते हुये कमरे में गई। सच में उसका पति वहाँ पर नहीँ था
वो रोने लगी उसे अपने किये गये सारे नोक झोंक याद आने लगे वो चिल्लाने लगी प्लीज कमबैक,प्लीज कमबैक। मैं कभी नहीं लड़ुँगी
तभी बाथरूम से उसका पति निकला और रोने का कारण पूछा
बिवी उसके सीने से लिपट गई और रोने लगी फिर सारी बात बताई
तब पति ने बताया की आज सुबह उसका पर्स चोरी हो गया था

ऐसे ही जिन्दगी में कई अहम रिश्ते और दोस्ती होते है, जिनका महत्व हमें तब समझ आता है।जब वो नहीं होते।
प्यार बाँटिये नफरत कहाँ तक ढ़ो पायेंगे
रिश्तो की अहमियत को समझिये

शायर की बैंक डकैती जोक

This joke is based on idea that when a poet turned into a thief and went for robbery in a bank robbed bank by singing poetry so this is a thief joke  poet joke , poetry joke, or we can se funny PJ in Hindi, Hindi jokes and joke in hindi

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एक शायर गरीबी से तंग आकार डाकू बन गया ! और वो बैंक में डाका डालने गया  और कहा ......
अर्ज किया है तकदीर में जो लिखा है वही मिलेगा .......
  हंड्स अप अपनी जगह से कोई नहीं हिलेगा ......

फिर काशिएर से कहा >>
कुछ ख्वाब मेरी आँखों से निकल दो ..
जो कुछ भी है इस बैग में जल्दी से डाल दो 
Genera warning:
बहुत कोशिश करता हू तेरी यद् भुलाने की
कोई कोशिश नहीं करेगा पुलिस को बुलाने की 

>> भुला देना मुझको  क्या जाता है तेरा
मै गोली मारूंगा उसको जो पीछा करेगा मेरा ..

Hariyanvi jaat and hotel manager joke

funny jaat pics

"In this joke a Jaat calls a hotel manager again and again and tease him by arguing joke is in Hindi so difficult to understood those does not know Hindi"


Jaat(Hotel call karta h)=Dandi wali kulfi hai?
Manager=ha
Jaat:G**d me le le
1 min bad
Jaat =Dandi wali kulfi hai?
Manager=Nahi
Jat=kyun g**d mein le li?
Managr calls haryana police & tells about jaat.
Police=kina time ho gya
Manager:sir 15-20 min ho gaye.
police=kulfi to pighal gyi hogi, dandi nikal le. =))

boys and girl comparision joke

Funny comparision of boys and girls

funny girl pics
** boys ameer ho jayein to bigad sakte hain,girls Bigad jayein to ameer ho sakti hain!!!

**girl ki haan me haan to hota hi hai aur naa me bhi haan hota hai, aur boys to kabhi naa karte hi nahi :D

** girl ki problem ladko ki bhi problem hoti hai lekin ladko ki problem me hi girlyon ka solution hota hai!!

** Beauty of a boy lies inside the eyes of girl but Beauty of a girl lies on herself only!!

** Achchhi girl KHUSHI degi,Buri girl KHUSHI KHUSHI degi!!!

funny facts to share as facebook status

this post contains five fummy facts that are well to share as facebook facts


If you suck one nipple, the woman herself offers the other one."
And that was the origin of "Buy one get one free"!

They said if I don't stop talking about boobs, they'll send me to the mental institute. Lol, ins-TIT-ute.

When Butterflies Fall Inlove...
I Wonder If They Feel Humans In Their Stomachs

people say love is the best feeling, but I think finding a toilet when you are having diarrhea is better

three idiots movie joke

funny pictures three idiot3 IDIOTS- DIRTY EDITION

This is joke based on the dialogues of movie three idiots using condom instead of machine

Teacher:
“What Is A Condom?”
Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata Hain.
Teacher: “Aap Itna Muskura Kyu Rahe Ho?”
Aamir: “Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se Iccha Thi Ki Main Sex Education College Mein Padhu! Aaj Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut Maza Aa Raha Hai”
Teacher: “Zyada Maza Lene Ki Zarurat Nahi Hai, Condom Ki Definition Bolo?”
Aamir: “Sir! Condom Is Anything Which Reduces Population”
Teacher: “Will U Plz Elaborate?”
Aamir: “Har Wo Cheez Jo Population Control Kare!”
“Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai, Condom Hai Na”
“Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak, Condom Hai Sir”
“Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se Ghire Hue Hai”
“8th Class Ke Ladke Se Lekar Mujh Tak Sab Condom Ka Use Kar Rahe Hai”
“1 Second Mein In, 1 Second Mein Out,
In-Out,
In-Out”
Teacher: “Arre… Defination Kya Hai?”
Aamir: “Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu Sir”
Teacher: “Exam Mein Ye Sab Likhoge?”
“Ye Condom Hai! Masti! Raat Se Lekar Subah Tak! Idiot”
“Anybody Else??”
Chattur: “Sir! , Condom Are Between Any Combination Of Body So Connected, That Their Relative Positions May Be Seen In Kamasutra..”
Teacher: “Wah! Kya Baat Hai.....:p;)
(Teacher kicked amir khan out of the class)
Amir khan returns back to class...
Teacher:ab kya hua
Amir khan: sir kuch bhool gya hu
Teacher: kya
Amir khan: sir,6 inch long,coated with extra protection,comes in out in out,throw liquid wen directed,cud b covered with cap,spreads wen rubbed....
Teacher : wat d fuck u want
Amir khan: pen sir....pen.

Father and son jokes

baap beta jokes or father and son jokes


A man caring dog as son funny picturefather Ne Apne son Ki Talashi Li
Pocket Se:"Cigrette, Gutkha,
Katrina Kaif Ki Photo Aur Girls Ke
Numbers Mile..
.
.
.
.
father Ne son Ko Bohat Mara aur
Gusse Me bola:"Kab Se Kar Raha
Hai Tu Ye Sab Kuch.. ??
.
.
son Rote Huey:"Papa Maine Toh
Aap Ki Jacket Pehni Hui
Hai...:p :O :D :D

facebook funny liner joke:-


What is the problem of boys on facebook - - - - - - - - - - - - - - They fell in love with fake profile... And it hurts them :

Inspirational story to make patience


Story that inspires  to make patience always

Source of inspiration, vivekanand" this is the story of an old lady in which he make patience for 40 years and get child at age of 45 and and looses a faithful dog due loosing his patience"


There was a 40 year old lady who couldn't have a kid since she was married at age 24.She tried everything she could but the doctors told her that she was barren. Her husband left her after 16 years of trying. She became so stressed up and spent most of her free time in meditation classes, religious circles and around pets and children homes. At age 43, she found a local 50 yr old man whom she fell in love with as the main was well known to having lost all her family in a tragic road accident 10 years ago and was always lonely and single. Fortunately against all odds the woman became pregnant and she became the happiest lady in the world. She inspired alot of women all aver the village and her ex husband bought them a beach house for appreciation. They got a cute baby girl and named her Patience. The baby was the world to her and she even gave her a nice dog at age 3 who the small girl loved so much. One day the mother went to the grocery shop and left the baby girl with the dog in the sitting room. On returning from the shop, she found the Dog with blood all over his face and pieces of the Patience's clothes on its claws. The woman couldn't bear it. She immediately took a hoe that was loosely and started beating the dog mercilessly until the Dog died. She then stopped crying and followed the blood stains on the floor to the bedroom. Where she found the baby girl Patience smiling naked on the chair and a dead python snake on the floor. The Dog had killed the snake and thus rescued the baby from the snake.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Don't always be fast to judge a book by the look of its cover no wonder the situation. God tests us in different ways and we should not fall short of his mercy and forgiveness.

Laloo Yadav Jokes -Part 1

Laloo Yadav In A drink Bar

This joke is based on that laloo yadav does not know the brands of bears.

Laloo's drink
At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's
left tells the bartender, 'JOHNNIE
WALKER, SINGLE.'
And the man's companion says, 'JACK
DANIELS, SINGLE.'
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks,

'AND YOU, SIR?'
Laloo replies: 'LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.'

Laloo yadav manmohan singh funny conversation

Once Laloo Yadav asked to man mohan singh
Laloo Yadav : How much two and two make?
ManMohan Singh: Absolutely it is four but I should ask it from Sonia ji once.

Sonia Gandhi Jokes

  Sonia gandhi jokes on his plane journey with Rabri devi and jaylalitha



This jokes is based on when sonia gandhi was traveling in a plane and pilot was get embarrassed from his foolish talk.


Rabri Devi, Sonia Gandhi and Jayalalitha were flying together in a plane.
They were just talking among themselves when
Rabri said: 'I have this 100 rupee note. If I drop this from the plane then it will fall on the ground and one Indian will pick it up and so I can make one Indian happy.

So Sonia pulled out two 50 rupee notes and said : If I drop these two 50 rupee notes, I can make two Indians happy.

Lastly Jaya pulled out 100 one rupee note and said: 'If I can drop all 100 one rupee notes, then I can make 100 Indians happy.'
Seeing all this hypocrisy the pilot could not resist himself and said: If I can drop all three of you from the plane ,I can make one billion Indians happy.

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Sonia gandhi on a plane journey with laloo yadav a saint and a school boy


This joke is based on the idea that sonia gandhi jumped from plane with bag in-spite of parachute .


Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a school boy were travelling by a private plane.

Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane. Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here."

Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.

The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump."

The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!
-->

Joke on fine wine Rule

For Men: "Women are like fine wine. They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating. As
they age they turn full-bodied and often go sour and vinegary, this usually leads to a
very bad headache."
Woman's Wine rule: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our
job to stomp on them. They are best kept in the dark until they mature into something
with which we'd like to have dinner."

gabbar and sambha joke

Sambha: Sardar in DOSTO ka kya karu Jo msg nahi karte hai

Gabbar: Kuch nahi inke hath kaat do aur daily 3 blue film dikhao khud tadap tadap ke mar jayenge..

New year jokes


 Funny conversation joke between year 2012 and 2013

The following conversation ensued between 2012 & 2013...


2012: My son am tired.
2013: Why?
2012: My time is up, I will be going to join your forefathers.
2013: I know, U have less than 15 hours to live. I will miss U dad.
2012: But let me tell U some things before I go.
2013: What is it?
2012: Please when I go, make sure you take care of this person.
2013: Who?...
2012: The person reading (listening) to this conversation of ours?
2013: Okay
2012: I made some promises to this person during my reign, I fulfilled some, and some I couldn’t.
2013: But why couldn’t U fulfill all dad?
2012: Well, my son...sometimes­ time & human factors affected some of the promises.
2013: But...
2012: But surely, I spoke with God on this person's behalf, & God granted my wish in U to fulfill the rest promises. So these are the rest of the fulfillment U will carry out on this person.
2013: Go on dad...
2012: Stabilize this person's health without ceasing all through your reign! Open a direct link between our God & this person.
2013: Done, carry on
2012: Ensure that this person's dreams come to reality within the shortest time possible.
2013: Alright
2012: Give this person wealth that will touch lives of multitudes
2013: Surely
2012: Make sure that U remove all remaining hindrances to success from this person's way. I have being trying to make sure that money will never remain the priority of this person, so keep to that please, make sure U do it son!
2013: I will dad, no problem!
2012: Pay more emphasis on the advice of this person's friends, don't worry about that of this person's enemies, God will take care of that! Hope U understand what am saying?
2013: Yes.
2012: Finally, promise me that when your own time is up, U will instruct that your offspring after offspring (2014, 2015, 2016...to...210­0) to keep positive fulfillment of this person going!
2013: Yes dad, may God help me!
2012: Now I can pass to the beyond happily! May you be prosperous!!!
2013: Amen! Wishing U all a glorious 2013...

FIANCE JOKE

Teasing girlfriend and boyfriend joke

This joke is funny conversation of girl with his fiance. this is joke about calling sweet names by girlfriend and boyfriend to each other.


A LADY said to her FIANCE
now that we are engaged,we
should start calling each other
sweet pet names.
The man (uninterested) asked her
"so what do you
want to be calling me"? She
replied "i
will be calling you TIGER"... Why
tiger,the man asked..."becaus­ e
you are handsome,tall,
charming,strong­ ,
calculating,sma­ rt and very good
in BEDmatics" she said. Then in a
sexy tone,she asked him "what
will you be calling me"? The man
still
uninterested replied; "i will be
calling you
ZEBRA"...the lady still smiling
seductively and kissing his cheek
screamed "wow,that's lovely and
sweet"!
Why did you chose such a lovely
name for me"?...the man
responded "it's because of your
many STRETCH MARKS.

lawyer and client joke

This joke is based on meeting a lawyer to his client in prison


A lawyer walks into his client's death row cell and says, "I've got good news, and bad news for you."

The prisoner says, "Okay. What's the bad news?"

"The bad news is that the Governor won't issue a stay of your execution from the electric chair."

"Oh that's terrible. What possibly could be the good news?"

"The good news is that I got your voltage reduced!"

philosphy related jokes and story


A boy said to his father: "I saw a girl and I want to marry... her. She is so beautiful and she has gorgeous eyes.
The father answered his son: of course son, let’s ask for her hand in marriage."

When the father saw the girl, he admired her beauty and he told his son: "You don’t deserve this girl, she needs someone who has experience in life and she can depend on, someone like me."

The boy was surprised by the attitude of his father and he told him: "She will marry me, not you”.

They started to fight and finally they decided both to go to the police station to solve their problem.

When they tell their story to the police officer, he told them: "bring the girl so we can ask her about her opinion about this."

When the officer saw the beauty of the girl he said to the boy and his father: "you both don’t deserve her, she needs someone who has prestige like me."

The 3 men started a fight and decided to go to the minister to solve their problem.

When the minister saw the girl, he said: "She deserves to be married with a minister like me".

The prince heard about their problem and call them all to help them solve it but and when he saw the girl he said : "This girl will marry me".

All the 5 men started to fight.

Finally, the girl said, "I have the solution! I will start to run and whoever catches me first, he will be my husband”. When she started to run, the boy, his father, the police officer, the minister and the prince started to run to catch her. Suddenly the 5 men fell into a deep hole.

The girl looked to them from the top and she said “did you know who am I?”
I am the temporal world!!

People want to run to catch me, they are racing to have me. By doing that, they forget their God, until they end up in their grave and won’t have me....!

----------Dont forget God because he didnt forget to wake you up today.

Can I hear you say Amen!!!

new year party joke

Tips for 31st party:
(*) (*) (*) (*)

1) Start drinking at 5.30pm so by 12 ul still be in ur senses>=)

2) Hold your drink for minimum 20mins
*beer*
3) Don't eat anythg oily which leaves puky feeling,:&

4) Eat limited bitings,*dine*

5) Have sex or masturbate before gng to party this would keep your sexual desires little lower when u see hot guys and girls,:p

6) Having sex b4 party is also imp bcoz after party even spiderman, superman are not able to satisfy their partner and even charlies angels fail to satisfy their partners:*

7) Treat everybody with respect atleast till 3-4 drinksO:)

8) Avoid international languages and spk in local language after drinking bcoz, even if u r drunk u r still in ur own country.3-|

9) Most importantly don't drink and drive as police will act like NYPD tonight.=]()

10) If u find anythg fishy don't eat it, in morning u would come to know that u were vegeterian till 2012....:]xx

11) Most imp, don't celebrate in delhi
Enjoy and have a safe 31st.

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