Hilarious jokes

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The Elevator

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Smith became increasingly furious with her
husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the ground floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr.
Smith, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!”
Bewildered, Mr. Smith was halfway to the car park with his wife when he choked,
“I...I...didn't pinch that girl.”
“Of course you didn’t” his wife replied consolingly. “I did!”

A son

A couple have eight daughters and desperately want a son. On their ninth attempt they
are finally blessed with a boy. They are so overjoyed that they invite all their friends to
a lavish party to celebrate the birth. While the party is in full swing one of the guests
approaches the father to congratulate him. “So tell me,” he says, “who does your little
boy take after? Does he look like you, or his mum?” The father thinks for a while and
says, “Well, to be honest, I don't know. We haven’t looked at his face yet!”

The future

A retired couple are discussing all aspects of their future. “What will you do if I die
before you do?” the husband asks.
After some thought, the wife replies, “I’ll probably look for a house share with three
other single women. It might fun to share with women a little younger than myself, as
I’ve always been so active.”
“What will you do if I die first?” the wife asks.
We a cheeky smile the husband replies, “Probably the same.”
Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news.
Patient: Tell me the bad news first doc.
Doctor: I’m really sorry, but we’ve amputated your legs by mistake.
Patient: You’ve what! Amputated my legs. What the hell is the good news?
Doctor: The guy in the next bed wants to buy your slippers.
Did you hear about the porn film director that wanted to make a movie about bondage,
necrophilia and bestiality?
He couldn’t get backing for the idea, as people said he was flogging a dead horse.

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