Funny Jokes Quotes and facts about chuck norris


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Chuck Norris Quotes Jokes and Facts

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Funny Chuck Norris Quotes:-

Chuck Norris never gets old , he levels up.


chuck norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.


Death once have a near chuck Norris experience.


Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker the second Wednesday of every month.


Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.


Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.


When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.


The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Funny chuck Norris Jokes


Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."


Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

Top five chuck norris funny quotes

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the **** out of it

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

The Big Bang was actually Chuck Norris giving God a round-house kick

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because the only element he recognizes is the element of surprise
 "Chuck Norris cut a hot knife with butter"
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Hilarious jokes

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The Elevator

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Smith became increasingly furious with her
husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the ground floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr.
Smith, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!”
Bewildered, Mr. Smith was halfway to the car park with his wife when he choked,
“I...I...didn't pinch that girl.”
“Of course you didn’t” his wife replied consolingly. “I did!”

A son

A couple have eight daughters and desperately want a son. On their ninth attempt they
are finally blessed with a boy. They are so overjoyed that they invite all their friends to
a lavish party to celebrate the birth. While the party is in full swing one of the guests
approaches the father to congratulate him. “So tell me,” he says, “who does your little
boy take after? Does he look like you, or his mum?” The father thinks for a while and
says, “Well, to be honest, I don't know. We haven’t looked at his face yet!”

The future

A retired couple are discussing all aspects of their future. “What will you do if I die
before you do?” the husband asks.
After some thought, the wife replies, “I’ll probably look for a house share with three
other single women. It might fun to share with women a little younger than myself, as
I’ve always been so active.”
“What will you do if I die first?” the wife asks.
We a cheeky smile the husband replies, “Probably the same.”
Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news.
Patient: Tell me the bad news first doc.
Doctor: I’m really sorry, but we’ve amputated your legs by mistake.
Patient: You’ve what! Amputated my legs. What the hell is the good news?
Doctor: The guy in the next bed wants to buy your slippers.
Did you hear about the porn film director that wanted to make a movie about bondage,
necrophilia and bestiality?
He couldn’t get backing for the idea, as people said he was flogging a dead horse.

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